Tomorrow is the Day....

Two weeks after my initial methotrexate shot and one week after my second dose, I'm headed back to the clinic tomorrow to get my HCG levels checked again. I've felt pretty good since my last post. I've had periods of minimal to moderate cramping, especially last Friday and Saturday. Not sure if it was the methotrexate or the fact that I may have been been too active. I was rushing around trying to get prepared to host a Christmas Favorite Things party for a few of my friends.

I'm praying that my levels have dropped significantly from last Wednesday's result in the 600s. I'm ready to be done with this so I can move forward and not worry that my tube may rupture. My gut is telling me that the methotrexate is working, but that is what I thought last week and my hcg results had actually increased. We shall see what the lucky number is tomorrow. If the number doesn't look good, then off to surgery I'll go.

I'm blessed at this point that my tube hasn't ruptured. I've also been off of work for the past week and a half which has been a nice break, but I need to get back to work. I count myself lucky that my work has been understanding about all of this. However, if I'm not in front of my accounts, business starts to go down which ultimately affects my pocketbook (and that is no bueno).

One last thing, it's amazing how many of my friends have told me they have had an ectopic pregnancy or know someone who has. Although each story is a bit different, they have all told me it was a very scary experience. I can definitely attest to this now. Every little twinge or pain makes me concerned. I know this journey is out of my hands, and I try to remember that, but it is hard not to worry. I've done the best I can facing my loss and the recovery process. I truly feel that tomorrow will be a good day and my HCG levels will be down. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please.

Another Round... Methotrexate Day #6 (TMI Warning)

Yesterday was pretty tough emotionally. I awoke that morning to what I thought was the passing of the fetal tissue (sorry, TMI for sure). I won't go into graphic details, but I was very much saddened by what I saw (or thought I saw). Once I decided on what to do with the tissue, I said a quick prayer asking for God to watch over my angel and to give me strength to get through the day.

Thinking that the worst was over, I felt relief knowing we could now move forward with a normal life. I still needed to get my HCG levels drawn, but I was confident that my levels would be dropping. How could they not be after this morning? My Dad and I drove to the clinic for the blood draw, we ran a few errands, and then we met my Mom and Grandparents for lunch. It was turning out to be a pretty good afternoon.

After lunch, I came home to wait for my Mom to come back to my house. She had to go pick up my niece and nephew from school and then she was going to swing by my house to pick up my grandparents. At about 4 PM, I got a call from my OB's office. I was anxious to hear how much my levels had dropped... The only problem was they didn't drop. No, they actually went up a couple of hundred points. What?! I thought this nightmare was over. It never occurred to me that my numbers would go up (well, I knew it was a possibility, but I just knew they were coming down). "Head to the emergency room", the nurse told me. "The doctor will be calling you shortly".

My head was spinning at this point. I felt sick to my stomach and lightheaded. I needed fresh air. I went outside to clear my head and to make sure my reaction was from anxiety and not due to a sudden rupture. The cold air hit my lungs and immediately I started to feel better. I called my husband and told him he needed to come pick me up right away so we could head back to the hospital. I made arrangements for my son and packed a bag for myself because I wasn't sure if I would be undergoing surgery in a few hours.

Once we arrived at the hospital (which took almost an hour and a half due to traffic - remind me not to let my tube rupture or future labor happen during rush hour), the check in protocol ensued. My OB's partner who was on-call that night finally made it down to see me about an hour after I got there. We went through the options (surgery or another methotrexate shot) and the advantages and disadvantages of both. Part of me wanted to just have the surgery and get it over with, but I knew it was best to try to avoid surgery. I didn't have any bad side effects from the initial shot and I wasn't in much pain, so we decided to give the shot one more chance to work. I prayed that I was making the right decision.

I still don't know if the second shot is the right answer, but it did allow me to go home that night and be here today for my son's first ever Christmas Program. I admit that this was one reason why I chose the shot over surgery. I didn't want my son to miss seeing me in the audience. And I'm so glad I was there. As soon as he saw me, he waved and gave me the biggest, cutest smile ever.

Here is a pic of him during the show:

So the waiting continues. I'm scheduled to go back in a week to have blood levels drawn again. I am still confident that the medicine will work. I just can't wait for the numbers to confirm my confidence.

Purely Pinterest!

By now almost the entire world knows about Pinterest. Ok, well my neighbor had never heard of it, but you get the idea. If you haven't checked out Pinterest, you are definitely missing out. I love the virtual "corkboard" functionality of the site! If I come across a great home decor picture or a great recipe on the web, I just "pin" it to one of my boards for future reference. When I need to get back to the original site or blog, I just click on the picture on my board and presto! It redirects back to where I originally found the picture. Plus, I love the fact that I can follow my friends and search for other photos that users have already pinned.

One of my very first "pins" was this picture that was floating around Pinterest several months ago:

The photo was connected to this blog - a full measure of happiness,

I loved it! What better way to organize and display your necklaces. Especially since mine were all tangled and stuffed into a drawer. I could never remember what necklaces I had, and if I could remember, it took an act of congress to get them untangled.

So, I went out to Target and bought a towel rod and shower curtain hooks. I decided to hang the rod in my closet behind the door. This was the only available space I had. I recruited my husband to hang the rod, and viola! The end result:

"Wow, if only I could do this with my scarves", I thought.

My scarves and belts were a mess just hanging on a sad, solo hanger that was about to snap in half at any minute from the excess weight. Then the thought occurred to me. Why can't I do this with my scarves?! I will just use the closeable shower hooks. Genius! Ok, I know I'm not the first to think of this, but I thought it was a pretty clever idea. So off I went back to Target to buy the 24" towel rod and closeable shower hooks. My dad got the honor of putting up the rod this time. :)

Here is the end result (I wish I had a before pic of the sad hanger with all of my scarves precariously hanging from it):

And to show the two together:

I did run out of shower hooks, so another trip to Target is in order. I still need to hang the rest of my scarves and also my belts. Hopefully, I won't go in to Target for one thing and come out with twenty like I normally do. :)

I heart Pinterest!!


Tell me what you think? How do you organize your scarves and jewelry? A future project of mine will be to organize my earrings, so if you have any ideas or pics, please let me know. Thanks!

Methotrexate Day 3 and 4

Yesterday was probably the most painful so far, but it really wasn't too bad. I did have to take Tylenol once during the day. My mom went out and bought me a heating pad just in case, but I didn't end up using it. It is nice to have on standby though. :)

Today I hardly had any cramping. I feel pretty good physically and emotionally. The only thing I hate right now (well, maybe not the only thing) is the fact that I have to use a pad. It sucks. I feel like I'm walking around wearing a diaper and everyone can see it. Irrational, I know, but still freaks me out. I can't wait to get back to normal.

Tomorrow my dad is coming over to spend the day with me and I am going to put him to work. All those home projects on my husband's to do list that haven't been done...yep, I'm gonna have my dad do them. My husband is going to love it and so will I because they will FINALLY get done. I can't wait to post a pic of my first Pinterest home project once it's completed. I've already done half and it looks great, but I plan on doubling the fun. Come back and check it out in a few days!!

jfm

Methotrexate Day #2

Again, today has not been too bad. Emotionally, I am actually feeling pretty good. I'm still a bit anxious, but who wouldn't be? I woke up this morning feeling a little queasy, but it quickly went away. I did start to feel small twinges in my abdomen as the day progressed. They were more annoying then anything.

My husband decided to go to a Christmas Party we had been invited to, so my sister came over to "babysit" me. I was hungry, so after searching fast food nutritional information online (definitely, not nutritious!), I had her bring me Jack In The Box tacos and curly fries (very low levels of folate). What a mistake! About an hour after I ate, I started to experience much worse cramping. Uh, oh. I was starting to get nervous. Was this the beginning of the medication kicking in?

Nope, it was just the nasty side effect of eating three tacos and a medium fry! Word to the wise, don't eat crappy food when you are expecting cramps to kick in any day now. It's hard to decipher Jack In The Box cramps from methotrexate cramps.

By the way, my sis and I watched Horrible Bosses to pass the time. So Funny!!

jfm

Methotrexate Day #1

After reading about methotrexate stories online for the past day, I am starting to FREAK OUT!! Major cramping, nausea, vomiting. The CRAMPING, oh my gosh, please don't let this be how my experience is going to be. I can handle pain, but wowza! I just have to take comfort in knowing that I can always go to the ER if things get bad enough.

Well, today is day #1 after the shot. So far so good. This morning I had a little bit of nausea, but nothing too bad. I did get my appetite back, yay! The only problem is that I'm not supposed to eat anything with folic acid in it. Um, hello?! What am I supposed to eat? There is so much I can't eat. Trying to order lunch today was nearly impossible. The poor waiter probably thought I was crazy. I searched each food online to see how much folic acid was in it. I finally ordered beef fajitas with refried beans and corn tortillas. Hopefully, I made a good choice.

I still worry about my body's upcoming reaction to the shot. My OB said it would take approximately two days for the drug to really start to kick in. The ER doc said that day 5 will most likely be the worst. I'm dreading this day. :(

Keep you posted on the next day of my journey...

jfm

My Ectopic Pregnancy

Wow... Where do I start this post? The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. Happy, Excited, Worried, Scared, Sad, and now Patiently Waiting. This is the story of my ectopic pregnancy confirmed as of yesterday (TMI Warning Below).

On Tuesday, November 15th I had this feeling I might be pregnant. I had spotted several days ago, but my period never came. Yep, sure enough there was a faint line on the HPT. In disbelief, I told my husband who was also in shock. After we processed the fact we were having a baby, the excitement started. Where would we put the nursery? Are we having a boy or a girl? When should we tell our parents?

It was still way early, but we decided to tell our parents over Thanksgiving. I photoshopped a recent family photo of my son to announce the big news.

Unfortunately, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving I started spotting. Nothing major, but enough to warrant a call to the OB. She had me come in the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to get my HCG levels checked, however, due to the holidays we would have to wait until Monday to get the results. I didn't think too much of it though, because I had the same symptoms with my first pregnancy and went on to deliver a healthy baby boy.

Thanksgiving came and we made the big announcement. Everyone was excited. We did make the disclaimer that it was still way early and that anything could happen. Boy, was that an understatement. Later that night, what was once scant spotting turned into mild bleeding. Nothing major, but enough to worry me. I was sure I was going to miscarry. But, after the weekend and no major cramping or signs of miscarriage (except for one episode where I almost fainted), I was confused. What could be causing the bleeding? After lots of crying and worrying, I came to peace that the pregnancy was not viable. I knew that this baby was not meant to be and that it was in God's hands at this point.

On Monday morning, I called the nurse and explained to her what had happened over the weekend. She looked up my HCG results from last week and said they were only 192 (very low for being 5 weeks along). She had me come in again to get another blood draw. While waiting for the results of Monday's blood draw, I began to do research on the internet about early pregnancy complications as well as successful pregnancy stories with low HCG levels. Although I prayed that the pregnancy was normal, deep down I had a gut feeling that this was an ectopic pregnancy. I'm not sure why I thought this, but I did.

Well, the next day we got the results - my HCG had risen but not like they should have. They only went up to 315. And that was after 5 days between tests. The nurse explained that I had most likely miscarried and that my numbers probably peaked over the weekend and now they were on the way down. At this point, I was super paranoid about ectopic pregnancy. I expressed my concern and she said I would need to come in to draw more blood work and that they won't do an ultrasound at this point because my HCG levels were so low.

That night, after doing more research online (damn google!), I just knew that it was an ectopic and my fear was that my tube would rupture before the ectopic was actually diagnosed. I was even more paranoid because my husband was leaving for out of the country for business. I was imagining the worst possible scenario - I would be home alone with my 4 year-old son and my tube would rupture and I wouldn't be able to get to the hospital in time to save me. Awful, I know. So after fretting about it all afternoon, I told my husband we were going to the ER to get checked out. It wasn't an emergency situation, I only had mild cramping and lower back ache, but I needed to see if they could confirm or rule out an ectopic for my peace of mind. So off we go with our 4 year-old in tow.

I decided to go to a local ER that I knew would not be crowded. In hindsight I probably should have gone to the other local hospital that has a decent L&D department, but I didn't want to spend all night in the ER. They got me in right away and the testing started. Cervix was closed, HCG 345, and ultrasound showed no signs of a gestational sac in the uterus (classic sign of ectopic). They also didn't see anything in my fallopian tubes. So, the ER doctor said things were still inconclusive and I would need to follow up with my OB. Here I was still in limbo with no answers. I was going crazy with worry at this point. Normally, I'm a very laid back person, but I just had this nagging feeling that would not go away. I HAD to find out if this pregnancy was ectopic before Brian took off for Africa.

That next morning, I called the OB office and spoke to the nurse. I explained I had gone to the ER and that my HCG results had risen and that the u/s showed no sac in the uterus, but not by much, and that I was sure that this was an ectopic pregnancy. I think she could sense the worry in my voice, so she had the OB call me. After talking to my OB, she had me come in for another stat HCG level - 471. Not going down, not a good sign. She scheduled me for an u/s at The Woman's Hospital for Friday and we would do another stat HCG level. At this point, all I could do was be a nervous wreck. I was so anxious that my tube was going to rupture before my appointment. I have never been so scared. I was afraid to even go to sleep.

The next day, I tried to remain calm and went in to work. I can remember that morning asking God for a sign that would let me know whether the pregnancy was in the uterus or ectopic. Well, during lunch I started to experience much stronger cramps and lower back pain. They began to localize on the right side and were getting stronger by the minute. I debated whether to call the doctor or try and wait it out. I broke down and called just in case my tube was rupturing. Again, after hearing the anxiety in my voice, the nurse sent me to the ER at Woman's Hospital for an emergency ultrasound. By the time I got there, my cramps were super bad. Not unbearable, but almost. Brian was about to leave for the airport, but I told him he needed to come meet me at the ER. I'm glad I did and he did not get on the flight. Things happen for a reason.

They gave me Dilaudid to help with the pain. Oh my gosh, it was such relief! They then sent me to ultrasound, where after a thorough imaging, the radiologist came in and said that it was definitely ectopic. Thank you!! I was so relieved. Not that it was ectopic, but that I got confirmation that my instinct was correct and we could now move forward with a plan of action. Plus, I was super grateful that we caught the pregnancy before it ruptured. So then the decision needed to be made whether I wanted to undergo surgery or take the methotrexate shot. At first, I was sure I wanted surgery. Just get this over with and know that the ectopic portion is removed. But, after talking with the doctor, she highly recommended the medication route. We ultimately agreed this was the best course of action. The ectopic was less than 3.5 cm in diameter, my HCG was less than 4,000, and there was no fetal cardiac activity. I prayed that this was the best course of action.

Two hours later and two shots in the butt, I was sent home to wait for the ectopic to resolve. I slept much better that night knowing what we were up against and that we would get through this. I was still nervous about possible rupture, but I am remaining positive. So the rest of the journey begins...